Today at work I was getting ready to go but thought I'd help one more guy who was waiting for a special order.

ME: Hey, what were you looking for?
THE GUY: It's a song by Sharon Jones and the something, like the Del-Tones, but not Del-Tones.
ME: Dap-Kings?
THE GUY: Yeah, that sounds right.
ME: Do you know which album? They've got a few.
THE GUY: I'm not sure, I'm looking for the song Inspiration Information.
ME: Oh yeah, the Shuggie Otis song? I didn't know they covered that.
THE GUY: Yeah, that's my song.
ME: Serious, that song is great.
THE GUY: I mean, it's my song.
ME: Wait, you...yeah, you are.

So then I stayed late and talked to Shuggie Otis for a while.

Today at work I was asked for tickets to a certain event, the latest iteration of the circus to hit Los Angeles. Here it is:



What a distinctive and original name! ( Unless, of course... )

Today at work I met the ex-wife of Lee Freeman (guitar player for The Strawberry Alarm Clock).

Also I sold one young gent the makings of the perfect evening. The recipe follows:

Today at work I helped a guy in the Drama section.

ME: Hey, need help finding something?
GUY: Yeah, do you have that Al Pacino movie where he's blind?
ME [leading him to it]: Scent of a Woman? Yeah, under S, here you go.
GUY: Yeah, cause one of my co-workers, his girlfriend's blind, and she's never seen this movie.
ME: Uh...huh.

Today at work I made the mistake of throwing on a promo of the new Black Eyed Peas CD. Did I mention this was a mistake? Here is maybe the worst song ever recorded by a group with a CD I own. Wait, did I make a similar post when the last Black Eyed Peas CD came out? Whoa, déjà vu.

Today at work, this middle-aged guy and his tween daughter came up to the counter:

GUY: Do you have any songs by Sinbad?
ME: The comedian? Not the sailor?
GUY: No, the singer.
ME [checking]: I don't show anything. Do you remember any of the songs?
GUY: "No One Compares To You"...Michael Jackson wrote it.
DAUGHTER: Prince, daddy!
ME: Wait, was it something like Sinbad O'Connor?
GUY: Yeah, that's it!
ME: Actually...

Today at work another visit from good-natured middle-aged lady with thick Russian accent (Her most recent visit found here if you need a reminder.) After a brief chat about why we didn't have the CDs she wanted, this exchange:

MIDDLE-AGED LADY (THICK RUSSIAN ACCENT): Did you watch inauguration yesterday?
ME: Yes, of course!
MIDDLE-AGED LADY (THICK RUSSIAN ACCENT): It was so good, Obama was so good!
ME: Yeah, I really thought--
MIDDLE-AGED LADY (THICK RUSSIAN ACCENT): And now we finally get rid of cocksucker Bush! Is real cocksucker!

Today at work I was subjected to the usual for this time of year, and something struck me.

You know Dasher and Dancer and Prancer and Vixen
Comet and Cupid and Donder and Blitzen
But do you recall
The most famous reindeer of all?

Well, obviously we remember him. He's the most famous one of all.

Today at work I rang up a customer named Tawny Moore. What do you think of that, 1985 Tom Waits?

We sail tonight for Singapore
We're all as mad as hatters here
I've fallen for a tawny Moor
Took off to the land of Nod

Thanks Tom!

Today at work I was concurrently fired and re-hired as part-time. Our store dropped below $x in volume (measured semiannually), so we're demoted to two full-time positions. As third-ranked, my position is eliminated, so I keep my pay rate, drop a few hours a week, get a nice check for my accumulated vacation, lose a sizable number of unused sick days, drop to lesser benefit package, and lose rights from now on for holiday pay, paid vacation, paid sick days.

Something funny later on maybe.

Today at work, the following:

BOSS (somewhat rhetorically): What's wrong with this calculator?
ME: Oh, is the battery dying?
BOSS: No, it keeps on adding incorrectly.

Is there a holiday I don't know about?

Today's DVD re-releases: Salò, Cannibal Holocaust, Cannibal Terror, and Delicatessen.

Addendum to last post. They should have kept the alternate title as well. Not enough text on their poster as is.

Today at work, I may have ended a quest: to find the worst DVD cover of all time.



But what a cast!

Today at work:

Today at work I was delighted to see our most despised regular customer waiting outside (longtime readers may remember him from this ancient post). The guy, in his late thirties, has always treated our female employees with something significantly less than respect, and recently has been putting his sleaziest moves on one poor young lady in our employ. For a couple weeks I've been staying just within earshot so I can catch him saying something inappropriate and kick him out, but he seems to watch his tone when he's being surveilled. In any case, a couple days ago he said some things that weren't strictly bannable (I wasn't there), but definitely made the poor young lady uncomfortable, so I'd been anxious for him to come in so I could give him the ultimatum.

Finally! After selling him tickets, I waited until another employee was nearby, to have a witness.

ME: Hey, if you ever make another inappropriate comment to one of my employees again, it'll be the last time you set foot in the store, okay?
CHUMP (making phony 'puzzled' faces): What? What'd I say?
ME: You gonna play dumb or just admit it?
CHUMP (still with faces): I can't think of anything I might have said...I guess I might have been talking to [beleaguered female employee]...
ME: Oh, how'd you guess?
CHUMP: What'd she say I said?
ME: I'm not going to play this game with you.
CHUMP: I can't think of anything inappropriate...what'd I say to her that was inappropriate?
ME: Take your pick, man.
CHUMP: Well, I don't think I said anything inappropriate.
ME: Okay, well, the next time you do, you can ogle the girls at Marshall's or Rite-Aid for five hours a day, because you're not coming back in here.

Today at work I was talking to a good-natured middle-aged lady with a thick Russian accent; I've helped her in the store from time to time. After explaining that we didn't have Russian opera singer Anna Netrebko, I offered to order something and mentioned the name of a local shop with a better classical selection.

MIDDLE-AGED LADY (THICK RUSSIAN ACCENT): Do you know if record store is closed, big famous record store?
ME: Tower?
MIDDLE-AGED LADY (THICK RUSSIAN ACCENT): Yes, this is it, Tower Records. Is it all closed?
ME: Yeah, they're out of business.
MIDDLE-AGED LADY (THICK RUSSIAN ACCENT): Fucking cocksucker bullshit!

Yesterday at work, a customer looking for some good stuff on a holiday shopping list:

MIDDLE-AGED LADY: I'm looking for some Alfred Hitchcock movies.
ME: Okay, which ones?
LADY: The Third Man?
ME: Actually, that's not Hitchcock, it's Carol Reed.
LADY: Are you sure?
ME: Very sure. It's a little pricey, we don't usually keep one in stock.
LADY: Vertigo?
ME: No, looks like we're out.
LADY: To Catch a Thief?
ME: What I do have is a [proffering] great Hitchcock box set, I dunno if that's more than you were looking to spend.
LADY: Hmm, yeah, that's really good, but these are just stuffing stockers.

Today at work I was keeping track of the sales showdown between the new 50 Cent and Kanye West CDs. As I watched the progress, I was struck by the similarities to the last couple of elections. Two guys competing for the popular vote, one embraced by forward-thinkers on the coasts, one the countrywide voice of the common man. Neither one would necessarily be my first choice, but frankly, one is far worse for America. One has some new ideas to scatter into the existing structure; one assures us of a continuing slide into the harmful values of the last few years. In all three situations, I had moments of hope, and as the bad guy's numbers ticked up to finish just ahead of my vote, moments of great dismay.

Today at work, a lady wanted to pre-order a copy of Wild Hogs for some reason, coming out Tuesday. We have display art in DVD cases for these instances, and after I sold the pre-order, I looked at the plot summary on the back briefly, to consider why someone would pre-order, watch, or otherwise tolerate Wild Hogs.

The plot summary, straight from corporate:

In Cincinnati, the dentist Doug Madsen is in crisis, bored with his middle-class life and missing his reckless youth when he was known as the Golden Biker. The aspirant writer Bobby Davis feels pressed by his wife and hates his job. The shy geek computer analyst Dudley Frank is unsuccessful with women. The wealthy Woody Stevens is married with a top-model. Together, the four middle-aged friends in their motorcycles self-call the "Wild Hogs". When Woody loses his wife and is completely broken, he invites his friends to take a road trip to the Pacific, in a quest for freedom. After many incidents, they stop for a beer in a bar owned by the dangerous biker gang "Del Fuegos". Their tough leader Jack steals Dudley's motorcycle, and Woody decides to recover the bike back. Woody cuts the fuel pipes of the bikes and provokes an accident, exploding their bar, but he does not tell the truth to his friends. When they stop in the small town of Madrid without gas, Dudley falls in love for the waitress and owner of the local bar Maggie. However, the "Del Fuegos" traps them in the town and the "Wild Hogs" have to take an attitude.